Probabilty of truthfulness:
That I am in my underwear: 1:1
That I Love the Maths except for sevens: 1:1
I started to do this list and then decided that I don't KNOW how many superpowers I actually HAVE, so I couldn't be all "1:1200" because maybe they just haven't shown themselves yet or maybe they are still fledgling superpowers and I haven't been exercising them properly and given them room to grow, or maybe drinking a lot of milk from the jug will never become a superpower like I'm hoping and this is all just wishful thinking. And that's depressing. So instead I thought I'd write a dirty limerick because it's Friday but I'll keep out the super dirty parts because maybe my mom reads this sometimes.
"There once was a bit of a ----
Who tried out a real clever stunt,
He ------ and he -------- and he ------ up the -------
And I can't think of a good rhyme for ----."
Did you ever start a blog and realize much later that maybe you should've just stuck with watching the 5-second free porn clips** instead? Because I haven't. Perv. So instead of the Maths this ended up being beautiful poetry and it just goes to show you that both sides of my brain are equally
diseased well-developed and I think that no matter what we can all agree to go get some drinks because it's Friday and this week has pretty much sucked all the ass.
*I'm really not sure how you clip out a blog. I guess you could print it out, but I hate to endorse the waste of paper since the rainforests are exploding and if the polar ice caps melt we're going to be overrun by the goddamn Snow Bears and did you know that Polar Bears and Penguins*** are natural enemies and if they lived together the bears would be swarmed by flocks of bloodthirsty and adorable sea birds and they would be wiped out? That's why Snow Bears live at the North Pole and Penguins live at the South Pole. Also Polar Bears ate Santa so you can see why I want to protect the rainforest. They have no morals.
** I don't understand what the point of a 5-second porn clip is. It's all "Hey look! A boo-" and then you're still fighting with your zipper, unless my mom really is reading this in which case shame on you.
***I capitalized the names of the species because it felt disrespectful to not. And I just accidentally typed "disrespectfuk" and thought THAT was funny so I'm going to stop here before you forget my beautiful poetry and go back to thinking I'm a roguishly handsome superpowered genius who DOESN'T write beautiful poems.