Now I don't want you to go flying off the handle and be all "Antlers on children? That's inhumane!" because I totally called PETA and asked and they said that if I ate meat I was the devil anyway(s), so a couple of horns on the kids might actually make sense, and then I called the World Wildlife Fund, mostly because of the cool-ass panda on their logo, and I asked them if it was inhumane and they were all "Please stop calling us.", so that pretty much affirms what I originally thought. Antlers on kids equals super-humane genius. So I think we've all learned a valuable lesson here.
The thing is, at first they would be embarrassed by them, I mean... I can't just send them to the circus with little Bambi-nubs, which sounds so much like a porn thing I feel guilty for having written it, and now I've typed "children" and "porn" in the same blog and if anyone googles "child pornography" I might pop up. Shit, I just typed it again. This blog is so not about THAT.
Where was I? Right. Bambi-nubs. I think for the first year they would have to wear a knit hat to school everyday because I love them and don't want them to be made fun of for having antlers, because the costs of therapy might negate some of the mad circus money that is going to follow. But I know for a fact that the circus pays better if your kids have a full rack on them instead of the little prong-horn dealies. And when I say I "know for a fact", I mean 'I'm guessing" because if I ran a circus and some guy tried to
sell me his children get his children a legal job with me and they only had tiny horns I would pay less to enslave them than the prevailing wage.
Also, the Boy having a weapon growing out of his skull sounds a little dangerous, so a nice knit hat might keep him from stabbing me with his head.
This blog concept just totally ran out of steam... I have nothing else to say on the subject. But I think we can all agree that making a whole blog out of a comment is pretty much impossible and to try means I am an innovator and a daredevil. Like Batman.
So that you don't feel ripped off, here's a video of what the Wrath of Khan© would look like as an Italian Opera performed by claymation action figures. You're welcome.
video from Robot Chicken©.
* I could be all immature and point out that I said "bosom" but I'm way beyond that and sometimes my maturity is truly amazing, like that time we were driving around downtow, drunk out of our** minds and screaming obscenities at the hoboes. I totally kept my hands at "ten and two" on the steering wheel because "safety first!". Also bosom means chest not boobies.
** The usage of "our" and "we" here is meant to imply I was not alone, in my bathrobe, and it's 10am and I'm crying.