The realization I have come to is that the entirety of my current social calendar can be changed by the simple application of baked goods. In fact, I will change my plans 180 degrees if there is a cupcake involved. I'm not proud of this realization like I am of some of my super-powers, but there it is.
Don't judge me.
How I came to this realization is simple. I went over to a friends house last night for coffee and maybe beer, and we sat around talking for a couple hours about
porn and midgets* the perilousness of the human soul and how Nietzsche** was right when he said that when we look into the void the void also looks into us*** and other really deep shit that you find impressive, and then I got a text message from The Boy who told me to call him and when I did he said he made cupcakes and do I want one, so I said "yes" and bailed on my friend and went and had a cupcake because it had sprinkles and shut up because you would have done the same.
Now the cool thing is, I can totally lie and be like "I HAVE to go get a cupcake. Sigh. The Boy made them and you know that means I HAVE to. Sigh." but the truth is I just wanted a cupcake and it could have been milked from the teat of the Devil's Hate-cow and I still would have wanted it more than coffee.
So I decided to leave based solely on where exactly confections were located and I think this is a sign that my life is slipping out of my grasp and soon I'll be wearing sweatpants to Walmart and growing beards and showering irregularly, and writing wild-eyed manifestos about breakfast cereals and napping a lot and hiding the dishes when company comes over which they do less and less frequently because the house is starting to smell like a garbage strike, until eventually I won't let anyone in unless they're bringing cupcakes.
At least that's my plan.
* We actually did talk about porn and midgets but I messed with the timeline of events using a technique the Ancient Phoenicians called "lying".
Now I'm no genius Now I'm no lawyer but I think we can all agree that I should be and arguing with me about the validity of any statement made using creative license is pointless, unless you like arguing with someone with their fingers buried in their ears and going " LA-LA-LA!! I can't hear you! LA-LA-LA!" .
** The time it took to look up the proper spelling of "Nietzsche" was not worth the reference I made to it. I totally should have quoted Bill Murray from Caddyshack or Albert Einstein because I know how to spell those names, but the only Einstein quote I have memorized is about being a lazy scientist and not that applicable to cupcakes.
*** If you are all impressed that I know this bit of philosophy, than it worked because I totally read it in a comic book last week. True story.