No. What I've been thinking about is violence that is gentlemanly. Like dueling. That was a good tradition. No one was ever humiliated by dueling. No one ever said "That pussy. He DIED after he was shot." More likely is, if you lose a duel AND you live, you are generally considered more badass than before. If you lose a pub brawl you end up looking stupid and people are all "Man, that chick totally cleaned your clock, Kurt." and then you're all "Yeah, but she cheated because she had little fists and everyone knows those are harder to dodge and also that peg-leg was deceptively stable." I'm speaking rhetorically of course, but she totally WAS a bitch.*
And fisticuffs. How awesome was THAT? You get to stand there in a totally awkward and unguarded stance and just take turns punching each other in the face. That's like a good Saturday night most places below the Mason-Dixon line I'm told.** And by "told" I mean "I just made that up in my head" and for that matter I'm not sure where the Mason-Dixon line even is, and part of me thinks Virginia is involved, but now I can't remember which side of the Civil War they were on, except wasn't Richmond the capital of the Confederacy?*** Plus, you looked totally boss when you were in your face-punching pose. I think that makes my argument for me.
So, to wrap this up. Where the hell is Virginia and I would rather be shot and live, then beat up by a cheating peglegged hooker who doesn't take Canadian change from my car with coffee spilled on it despite the fact that up until recently Canadian money was worth more but isn't anymore and who knew hookers kept track of exchange rates in the first place?
*Hattori Hanzo has just reminded me that I have never been in a fight in my whole life as I am not a proponent of violence of any sort and am a pacifist. Also, I'm totally weak and would get my ass handed to me, even by fictional hookers, so really non-violence is the right belief system for me.
**This is probably completely untrue but it's my blog so you have a choice, you can believe a ravishingly handsome, genius scalliwag or you can go on being uninformed. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
***The reader should notice my blatant disregard for fact (and spell!) checking and keep that in the back of their mind when reading this blog. All I really know about the Civil War was that I live in New York and we won. Go team.