Friday, January 30, 2009

I Ended This One with Zombies So You Will More Readily Forgive Me

I was just debating with Hattori Hanzo, the voice in my head, about whether or not I should even blog today, because I can't really think of anything to say and when I write when I don't have anything to say it comes out as these terrible long sentences that aren't punctuated properly and go on and on and on, and people ask why I write that way because it's not how I speak, but what they don't know is that it is what it sounds like in my head all the time. 

Hattori was asking me how I felt and thought that maybe by plumbing the depths of my psyche we could come up with some really weird shit to write about, which I'm sure is absolutely corrrect, but when he asked me the first word I thought of to describe my feelings, it was "burrito" because I was still thinking about yesterday's blog and the second word to come to my mind was "porn".  

That's not to say I'm into "burrito porn" because I'm not even sure what that is, but it sounds messy and contortiony and I'm not in the mood for anything like that (today). Hattori then pointed out to me that "porn" wasn't an emotion, and then I tried to make an argument that it WAS an emotion. And he asked me to describe it, and I said it was when you were too lazy to have sex when it was available. And then Hattori reminded me that it wasn't available unless I was thinking the neighbor's cat looked enticing and I said that was gross and then we stopped talking for a while, because he knew he had crossed a line, but I forgave him soon enough and now we're just hungry and not "burrito" at all.

I also don't understand why Facebook is telling me that 5 of my friends secretly hate me. It was one thing when I was able to think that you all had crushes on me, because that is totally reasonable, but since I didn't fall into that spam trap, it has resorted to being mean. I'm sorry, Facebook but I don't think my friends secretly hate me and I'm not going to click on the link to find out who because it will probably take me to a porn site, and as I pointed out earlier I'm already feeling "porn" and don't have the ambition for any funny business today. 

Hattori Hanzo: Congratulations. You just blogged about nothing at all.
Kurt: Don't start with me, Convention. I brought you into this world and I can take you out.
Hattori Hanzo: You stole that from Bill Cosby.
Kurt: Your Mom stole it from Bill Cosby.
Hattori Hanzo: Stole what?
Kurt: I don't know... the good Huxtable name?
Hattori Hanzo: This is dumb, we should probably stop now.


ps: Somebody hacked roadsigns in Texas to warn about the Impending Zombie Apocalypse* and that was way funnier than this blog so allow me to post a picture of it. A note to the sourpuss lady in the video who was all "This is a serious problem.": Shut up.



6 comments:

Char said...

that story even made AOL news today - hilarious. I bet the fog made it easier for the zombies to hide.

Tristan said...

Abolutely right about the sourpuss lady...They take stuff WAY too seriously in Texas. And yet, they continue to wear those funny hats.

Brandy Rose said...

My facebook told me that 3 of my friends think I'm dumber than George Bush.

Vic said...

Please. Don't even get me started on burrito porn. (Your convention sounds like a WWII spy!)

Kurt said...

@Char: I bet it did! It's good to see zombies getting the press coverage they deserve.

@Tristan: I know,right? I hope that lady gets bitten by a zombie. See who's laughing then!

@Brandy Rose: That is statistically impossible unless you're in a coma.

@Vic:I wish he was a WWII spy because then he'd be Belgian maybe, and they make delicious waffles! Burrito Porn...I shall never mention it again. Except if I find it funny again some other time.

andy said...

i can think of a few ways to have fun with a burrito, minus the hot sauce of course.