Thursday, January 15, 2009

How To Return Your Uterus For A Refund or Exchange For Any Other Organ


I was a big proponent of the plush uterus friend when it came out. I was all "Ha ha ha! It's a uterus! Only stuffed!" You could also get a liver, a heart, a pancreas, or lungs. But I didn't care about those. I wanted the uterus because I'm like 12 in my own head and the uterus is just a hop, skip and a jump away from the vagina, and if I had a pet one I would have all the opportunities in the world to work both words into my daily conversations, and that is the gift that keeps on giving. 

Except now there is a safety recall on the uterus because some dumb kid choked on an ovary or something and ruined it for the rest of us. I would mention all the funny quotes in the recall notice like "If the plush uterus is being used by a young child, please remove it immediately" or "for information on how to return your uterus for a refund or exchange for any other organ" but that would take all the joy of discovery away from you, Dear Reader. And I am all about giving back to the community. Like the time I raided the Salvation Army Drop box for a new sweater and sorta shoved the rest back in when I found a cool Spongebob action figure instead.

Some people think I'm a saint. I totally get that.


10 comments:

Anna Russell said...

That thing looks disturbingly cuddly. And of course, now I want one. I may possibly trade it in for a liver. That could come in handy.

And it goes without saying that a Soungebob action figure > new sweater.

Hugs
Anna xxx

Kurt said...

I know. If real uteruses (uteri?) were that cute no one would ever want to leave them.

(*insert obvious joke here*)

Char said...

here - you can have mine, it's useless to me. *grin* ewww

Pina29 said...

He can have mine to Char, use them like throw pillows.




I'm sorry, I had to.

Brandy Rose said...

Hmmm....throw pillows....pillow fight...Uterus Fight!!! (And this is how my mind works...)

Kurt said...

If everyone could please keep your uteruses to yourselves, I'd appreciate it. Didn't you read the article? They're dangerous.

Brandy Rose said...

Its a pillow fight with uteri between adults, no children will be harmed. As long as we all keep the ovaries out of our mouths anyway.

Kurt said...

That's what she said.

amy said...

I want a plushie uterus.

Mine is crap.

Kurt said...

I'm not in charge of distribution. Only recalls.