Thursday, January 8, 2009

Dispelling the Whole "Evil Twin" Mythos You've Built Around Me

So I'm walking into work this morning next to this guy I don't know. He's got sandy hair that's being rumpled by the wind and has his hands snuggled into the deep pockets of his Carhartt jacket, which always makes me think of deer hide for some reason. He's almost exactly the same height and build as me and has blue eyes and a blond goatee. We're walking side by side, when it occurs to me that to an outside observer I would totally look like the evil twin. Dark hair, darkish eyes, dark glasses, black sweater, black coat, black shoes. Jesus, I might as well be rubbing my hands together and cackling about how you'll never stop me, or that I'll deal with your Rebel friends soon enough. (and I would totally roll the "r" in "Rebel" because that's the only way to get promoted to "Grand Moff" which sounds like "muff" and makes me giggle.)

I am SOO not the evil twin. I do non-evil twin stuff all the time. Like spiders. I hate those creepy bastards, but I always catch them with the ol' cup and sheet of paper trick. And then I put them outside where they are free to freeze to death, but that's not my fault it's God's for not giving them wool. And I've never tried to pass myself off as the good twin while tricking the authorities into believing that HE was the one who killed our parents and is now safely locked away in a mental facility upstate claiming he is innocent. He would of course, try to escape and vindicate himself, but the only way to do that is to lower himself to new types of depravity that would allow us to switch places, effectively making HIM the evil twin, while I spend my life trying to atone for killing my parents and framing my brother, making ME the good twin, albeit only in the present sense.  My point is, that never happened. 

Also, I've never tried to stab anyone. Not hard anyway(s).

So as I'm walking next to this guy and wondering if anyone is assuming I'm his evil twin and if maybe I should say something to him about how I'm...you know... not even related to him, so the idea that I'm his evil twin is just ridiculous, he slips and falls on an ice patch. 

And I totally helped him up. 

Your witness.

Note: Grand Muff Tarkin's twin? Also evil.


5 comments:

Moonkee said...

I think that's how Tarkin and Vader met.

Kurt said...

Me too. Except they were SPACE spiders!

Brandy Rose said...

Haha, what if it depends on the degree of evil? What if he's practically a saint?

Kurt said...

Look, I'm not saying I'm perfect. That will be a job for historians, one day. I'm just saying he slipped and fell, so he's probably cursed because he made a deal with the devil.

Cynthia said...

The good part of being the evil twin is you could start dating his girlfriend and she would like you better.